i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
