you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize