atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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