just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
