I think I am morally bankrupt
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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