I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
