I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
