doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
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