He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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