i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize