She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She needs sedatives and a leash
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
