I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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