Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
