She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
