If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
