kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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