I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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