Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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