$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
