those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
