Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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