i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
