Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize
