I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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