my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
