I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
