I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You are a genius and a whore.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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