I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
