i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
is that a dick in a sweater?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
