I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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