Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
two words: eviction party
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
The ass gains better be worth it
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