is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
