he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
