apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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