I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
