sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
