so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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