Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize