so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
