Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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