No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
