I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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