Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
the liver wants what the liver wants
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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