I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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