Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
