just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
