Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
