Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
