want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
