My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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