I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
