Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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