fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His hands were made for my vagina.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
