Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
