im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
