I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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