Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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