is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
